My life exploded a little

In a few days I managed to lose a person I loved dearly, six pounds, and my mental health. The only way I deal with these issues is to not think. And Cloves help too. My school work has plummeted. My energy has plummeted. My state of mind is shattered. Sometimes I forget that I'm even here. I want to harm myself. But I don't have the energy to pull apart a shaving razor. I know that this blog was supposed to be about Danny. It will be. But so much hurts right now. I don't know if I can do it. I hurt everywhere. Sometimes I shake so badly I think I'm having a panic attack. Maybe it's just the feeling of abandonment. I want to die sometimes. Just to stop hurting. To stop feeling. I take Benadryl to fall asleep. I'm a waste of space.